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COMPLIMENTS
(2017/05/01)
 

Doctor: “You have acute appendicitis.”

Blonde: “I came here for medical help, not compliments.”

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Everyone likes to be complimented. People feel good about themselves when they receive a compliment and they feel good about the person giving the compliment.

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An ER Doctor: “No one likes to be told they are a terrible patient. It is very temping to agree with the patient who announces that they are the ’worst patient you’ll ever see.’ While they may be right, they prefer to hear you say, ’Oh, you’re not anywhere near the worst patient I’ve ever seen. As a matter of fact you are doing rather well considering the circumstances.’ After agreeing with some of the worst patients imaginable, I found that I hurt their feelings. An ounce of honey is much better at getting any semblance of cooperation than a cup of vinegar.”

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Giving compliments is not always a natural behavior. Some people never have a nice word to say and others offer compliments so readily that they have limited credibility. The use of compliments to enhance bedside manner requires observational skills to find the perfect words and the knowledge of when to use them. You don’t want to be thought of as disingenuous. If you become attuned to peoples’ body language and behavior, and understand when and how a compliment works, you will find the right words to say.

Appearance Compliments

The observant practitioner will notice the patient who takes great pride in their dress and knows that they truly appreciate recognition for all the time and effort and money that went into their outfit and accessories.

The elderly man or woman may wear a nice hat or scarf that coordinates perfectly with their outfit. Recognition of the effort expended in preparing for a visit with the doctor by offering a compliment is greatly appreciated.

DOCTOR

“My, what a lovely outfit, Mrs. Jones.”

Those few words just made someone’s day, and they will love you forever. The astute practitioner recognizes all sorts of things like this, and while the object of the compliment doesn’t have to please your personal taste, the offering is still very effective.

While you may not personally relish tattoos, whenever someone has a particularly large one, consider a compliment. They saved three weeks salary to get this demon from hell breathing lightning bolts from oversized nostrils painted indelibly on their calf, and they wear shorts in the dead of winter to it show off. You better believe they love that you noticed the masterpiece (who could miss it) and told them how you really like the vivid colors.

You should make a concerted effort to give physical compliments whenever they are apropos. Offer compliments about hairstyle (your hair looks great!) or color (you have the most lovely blonde hair); clothing and accessories (that dress is stunning on you; I love those jeans; that is such a great pocketbook); eye color (you have the most beautiful blue eyes); and anything you think the patient takes pride in. Just be careful not to make your friendly compliments too personal, so they can’t be mistaken for a sexual advances.

Behavior Compliments

Even more appreciated are compliments about how the patient performs at the visit. This form of encouragement goes a long way in helping your patients through difficult procedures. The more frightened the patient, the more they appreciate being told how well they are doing. Not only will they love the compliment, they will actually try to live up to your praise–making your job easier.

Every patient who works with you deserves compliments throughout the treatment. What doctors eventually take for granted because they do it everyday may be a monumental difficulty for the average patient.

Here are just a few compliments you could offer throughout the day.

You are doing great. You are the best patient I’ve seen today. I can’t believe how well you are doing. I can’t believe you never had root canal therapy before. I’ve seen an awful lot of patients over the years and not many are as good as you. Mary, do you believe how well Jim is doing? (Mary is your assistant).

There are several funny compliments presented in the chapter on comedy that work fine, too. If you stay attuned to people’s appearance and behavior, you can learn to compliment many of the things that make your patients feel good.

Be very careful about complimenting employees about thier looks, clothing or hair. Too many people make outlanish claims of sexual harrasment regarding employers who compliment thier employees. Truly sad!

Comments
• Antonio (2017/05/03 20:32)
I agreed that there needs to be a balance of when and how often one complements a patient along with paying attention to the wording. Complementing too much might make a patient question your credibility. Take for example a provider that compliments a patient walking in for a surgery on their appearance, then various times during the procedure on how well they are doing, and at the end explaining how well the surgery went and how nice the final radiographs look. If procedure took longer than expected and/or if proper anesthesia was an issue during the surgery the patient could question the validity of the provider’s reassurance on how well the procedure ended. Changing subjects, other ways of complimenting; for example, on bilingual patient one can complement on their accent or lack off. You can mention how interesting their accent is and if it’s the initial visit start the conversation on where there originally from. Some patients with thick accents might have small concerns on how well they manage the English language, and giving a positive remark will always be received with a smile. And for the ones that have minimal to no accent; saying at the end of the visit something like “I could barely tell your bilingual” can also be received as a nice gesture because that didn’t happen by accident. The patient most likely placed effort during some time in their life on not just learning the language but also working on their pronunciation. As for female patients, now a day it’s a shame that sexual harassment claims are as common as Jell-O mix in the pantry. I take much cation in how I complement females specially in a professional environment; to avoid my words being misinterpreted as unprofessional or give someone with bad intentions ammunition for a claim. I feel that it is more appropriate to complement female patients on their smile, after all were dentist, additional to the nice gesture they also got a professional opinion. Or like you well mentioned on how nice one garment matches another piece of clothing. But exceptions can be made for example a child with their parent present, saying how nice their bow tied hair looks or how pretty her dress is. All parents like to hear when someone recognized their efforts towards their kid’s presentation before leaving the house. And last for an elderly female patient that take took time to get ready with their makeup and appearance before a dental appointment one could complement on how pretty they look which would always bring a smile. I end my blog reply by giving much thanks to you Dr. Fleisher for introducing us to your bedside manners blog and fabulous book. It is worth every penny, and much more. The information in there is of much value to every dentist and physician and unfortunately much of it content in not taught in dental schools or residency programs. And thanks for being part of our faculty and lecturing us on topics outside of clinical dentistry that are also of much value to dentist during residency and out in the real world.
• Ronald (2017/05/03 00:26)
I feel that the most important detail about a compliment especially in a clinic that treats pediatric patients is that it should be sincere. A warm voice and a smile also work well in kids and adults. It is also important to make eye contact and say thank you to all the patients and what I like more from Einstein dental assistants is their constant emotional support to the patients, most of them never had a dental treatment in the past and you can feel that they show up to the clinic with some degree of fear or anxiety. With proper patient management and a good anesthesia an honest compliment after the consultation or initial visit makes feel the patient comfortable and more able to collaborate in future appointments.
• Anna (2017/05/02 22:59)
Compliments are a great way to make a patent feel comfortable and thus to starting positive relationship with him/her. Although one has to be careful to make sure the compliments are appropriate, they will put the patient in a good/better mood. As practitioners, more, as persons in general, we should make a habit of this practice; a goal to find a legitimate reason to compliment 3-4 people on their physical appearance, behavior, their family etc. a day. I find that this method works very well with kids. Usually they will bring a special toy with them or wear a unique clothing item. The moment you say something nice about it their attitude completely changes from being nervous to engaged and receptive. This opens up the opportunity to continue a conversation and provide ease with dental management. Compliments are a great way to quickly relate to patients and establish a positive relationship which benefits all parties involved.
• Luke (2017/05/02 14:37)
I think I may be one of those people who doesn’t offer compliments too readily. When I give a friend or family member a compliment, I feel like it’s more sincere since I don’t compliment too readily. This is an approach that doesn’t really translate to the dentist-patient relationship however. They most likely aren’t my friends or family, and I don’t see them too often. Chances are I may only see an endo patient once a year, so I would be hard to them to tell if I compliment people all the time. Plus, it’s true that everyone loves a compliment. I personally need to work a little harder to find a compliment to make them feel more at-ease and comfortable throughout treatment. I definitely find it easier to compliment on dental-related qualities such as hygiene, ability to follow instructions, and behavior. With staff, I would daily try to stick with complimenting their work performance and how much they helped me that day. However, if I see that they made a big change in their appearance that they’re proud of, I would have no problem complimenting that either.
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