Goodbye Humor

After a visit you want to leave the patient with a last memento of your comical style. Depending upon when they need to see you again, you can use various lines. If you need to see the patient in a few days or weeks:

DOCTOR

“I’ll need to see you in two weeks for another treatment. Now, make sure you don’t go around telling all your friends and family how much you like coming here, or they’ll have you committed (locked up, sent away).”

Or you can try:

DOCTOR

“I know you’ll be counting the days in anticipation of another fun experience. Just don’t tell your friends how great this is, or I’ll get so busy I won’t be able to see you when you need my services.”

If you don’t need to see the patient again:

DOCTOR

“Well, I guess it’s time to say goodbye. I’m glad we were able to help you and if you’re lucky, you’ll never have to see me again. But we’ll be ready for you if you decide you miss us.”

Now isn’t that better than saying “Have a nice day”?

Medical Devices and Humor

____

An E.R. nurse was examining an elderly woman who happened to be hard of hearing. She put the stethoscope to her chest and said, “Big breaths.” The woman replied, “Yes, and they used to be bigger.”

____

Every area of health care has procedures and equipment that naturally invite comedy. Several examples will provide ideas for creating your own lines for equipment you use. Remember, patients love funny doctors, they tell their friends and family to use them, and they will be reluctant to sue warm, compassionate, humorous health-care providers–even if things go wrong.

 

 

 

 

Figure 1: Saliva Ejector

The Saliva Ejector (figure 1)

DOCTOR

“I’m sure you’ve seen the saliva ejector. This helps to keep your mouth dry. If it’s uncomfortable here, you can put it where you’d like it. Of course, my last patient put it in my mouth.”

Pause:

 “There are some very hostile people out there.

I sure hope you aren’t one of them.”

Unless your patient is scared out of their wits, they always laugh, and it sets the stage for the rest of the treatment.

Figure 2: The Otoscopic Exam

 

The Scope

Many doctors make use of various types of scopes. These devices are used to look inside the nose, ears, throat and just about any accessible cavity. In examining the deep recesses of the throat, an endoscope is inserted into the nose and down the throat. Most often this is done without sedation, and while it doesn’t usually hurt, it’s rather unpleasant. Less invasive, routine examinations of the ears and nose are done with the otoscope (figure 2). These procedures provide for a moment of humor. After preparing the patient with an explanation of what to expect and just before insertion:

DOCTOR

“After I have a look around in here, I’ll let you know if I see anything interesting. The other day I found a pistachio nut, two marbles and a paper clip.”

Pause:

 “While none of that’s true, it makes for an interesting story.”

This kind of banter provides an opportunity to relax the patient in an otherwise serious setting.

 

Figure 3: Rubber Dam

The Rubber Dam

In dentistry there is a device called a rubber dam (Figure 3). It’s a latex rubber cover that goes over the tooth being treated, and it looks like the patient is wearing a mask. While wearing the rubber dam, the patient can’t talk back, but they can, most certainly, laugh.

Before placing the rubber dam, explain that you have to put a cover over their tooth to keep germs out of their tooth and dust from getting into their mouth. Once the rubber dam is in place:

DOCTOR

“If you’re good today, I’ll let you wear this home.”

They almost always laugh. In which case, you can continue:

DOCTOR

“This is your color. It looks great on you. Maybe you should consider some green rubber clothing for your fall wardrobe.”

 

 

Figure 4: Patient Gown

The Patient Gown

Fashion humor works well with the lovely gowns (figure 4) patients get to wear in the hospital or while being examined in your office.

When the gynecologist walks into the room with the patient draped in a flimsy covering, that’s a great time to comment:

DOCTOR

“Mary, that sheet looks so good on you.

If you want to wear it home, just let me know.”

A similar line works great for the doctor making rounds in the hospital. As you uncover the patient to perform your exam you say:

DOCTOR

“If you’re interested, I can get you this same gown with the fur collar.”

Variation:

DOCTOR

“I know the people in wardrobe, and if you are interested I can get them to let you wear this gown home.”

These comments will make your patients smile and more likely laugh, but more importantly, you will ease their anxiety.

Variation:

Sam is waiting for the digital rectal exam:

DOCTOR

“Sam, that gown looks great on you. It reminds me of the other night when there was a full moon.”

Variation:

DOCTOR

“Sam, that gown looks great on you, but if you’re planning on going out formal this evening, you might want to try something in a darker shade.”

Variation:

 “Sam, that gown looks great on you, but before you leave, you might want to consider something to cover your butt.”

 

Figure 5: The Stethoscope

The Stethoscope

The stethoscope (figure 5) always offers a great way to get a laugh:

DOCTOR

“I know this may be a bit cold, but it’s so much better than last month, when I used popsicles to check hearts.”

Start rubbing the stethoscope in your hands to warm it up and try this:

DOCTOR

I’ve had this one out of the freezer for almost two whole minutes. It should be just fine.

 

HOLIDAY HUMOR

Holidays offer special opportunities to joke with your patients. If you use a green rubber dam, the week of Saint Patrick’s Day allows you to joke:

DOCTOR

“What luck! Being that Saint Patrick’s Day is just around the corner, I’m going to let you wear this home.”

Pause:

 “You can tell your friends it’s a shamrock put on your tooth

by a lucky leprechaun.”

For the entire week after the holiday vary the line:

DOCTOR

“It’s a shame you missed our Saint Patrick’s Day special. I let all my patients wear this thing home so they could celebrate in style.”

Halloween is another chance for joking with the rubber dam

DOCTOR

“If you’re good I’ll let you wear this home for trick-or-treat.”

Or the variation:

DOCTOR

“It’s a shame you missed our Halloween special. I let all my patients wear this home for trick-or-treat.”

The clinic gown works well for the Halloween humor:

DOCTOR

“George, if you’d like, you can wear this gown for Halloween next week. It makes a great ghost costume if you just cover your butt.”

 

SMOKING HUMOR

Electro-surgery, laser treatments, melting filling material or any procedure that produces smoke the patient can see or smell offers a great opportunity to alleviate the patient’s fear by using humor:

DOCTOR

“I’m using the laser to remove your wart, and I don’t want you to worry

if you see smoke.”

Pause:

 “If you hear sirens, that’s something you should worry about.”

Variation after the pause:

DOCTOR

“If you see men running into the room wearing funny hats and carrying a big hose, then you have something to worry about.”

Another variation after the pause:

DOCTOR

“If you see me and Mary running out of the room yelling things like ‘call 911,’ that’s something you should worry about.”

Another variation after the pause:

DOCTOR

“If you notice a warm feeling in your socks and see smoke coming out of your shoes, you should let me know.”

RIDE IN THE CHAIR HUMOR

Any practice that has a chair or table that tilts backwards lends to humor:

DOCTOR

“This ride is the best part of the treatment, so I do hope you are

enjoying yourself.”

THE LEAD SHIELD

The lead shield offers a cute line if the patient is supine when you place it:

DOCTOR

“If I pull this shield over your head, it means something didn’t go as planned. And you really know things didn’t go right if you notice the coroner pull up.”

Pause:

 “But please, don’t worry. That almost never happens.”

Look at your assistant and continue:

“What do you think, Angie, once or twice a day?”

THE COMMUNICATION COMPASSION COMEDY CONNECTION

As bedrocks of bedside manner, communication, compassion and comedy are often combined to produce a winning formula. Warnings communicated in a comical manner show you have compassion for the patient’s wellbeing.

Humor Used To Forewarn Untoward Incidences

 

It’s important to forewarn the patient of possible occurrences that may appear as accidents in order to prevent them from assuming the worst. Every time you place a device that has the potential to come off unexpectedly, or when a snap, crackle, or pop will or could be heard, use a line to forewarn.

In dentistry, the rubber dam can jump off the tooth and frighten the patient. Without explanation or warning it could make the patient think something broke.

DOCTOR:

“Sometimes this can pop off of your tooth. Don’t let it scare you if that happens.”

Pause:

 “Of course, if it hits me in the head, you’ll hear me scream, and I’ll fall to the floor; then you can be scared.”

By adding humor to a serious discussion, it helps to allay patient fears.

Another example:

DOCTOR

“When I use the laser to remove your mole, it makes a popping sound. Don’t let the noise frighten you.”

Pause:

 “Of course, if you hear a loud popping sound and I fall to the floor, it’s probably a sniper unhappy about the last mole I removed.”

Before the necessity of complicated informed consents that list every possible risk of treatment, many oral surgeons got involved in situations requiring them to pay for costly dental care after a tooth adjacent to the one they pulled broke. Patients would often blame the surgeon for the accident even knowing that the adjacent teeth were ready to crumble. Since patients may sign informed consents without reading or understanding them, it is best to forewarn of potential risks in a humorous fashion to prevent legal entanglement.

DOCTOR

“Whenever we pull a tooth, there is the possibility that the tooth next to the one we pull can break and need involved treatment to save it, or sometimes it also needs to be pulled. It’s not too likely to happen, but unfortunately that is a risk of pulling any tooth.”

Pause:

 “Of course now that I have this new plastic explosive I use to remove teeth, it almost never happens.”

If the patient doesn’t laugh, add:

“I’m just kidding.”

When delving in to the world of comedy, go slowly. Try one or two lines that are easy to remember and practice them until it becomes second nature. Once you get the hang of jesting and have the confidence that you really can be funny, go for the longer lines. Develop ways to keep track of what lines you use so that you avoid looking like you use the same lines over and over. While you can’t remember every line you used with every patient, you can have first visit lines, second visit lines, lines to greet first time patients, and so forth. This will keep you from looking scripted. While bedside manner is a compilation of many traits, the power of humor is very close to the top.