Bedside Manner Blog

Two kids were trying to figure out what game to play.  One suggested, "Let's play doctor." "Good idea." said the other. "You operate, and I'll sue." ____ A Philadelphia OBGYN: “I never thought it would come to this. I no longer have a private practice. I had to sell out to the hospital once the malpractice insurance premiums got too expensive. Now they have midwives doing the deliveries, and I only come in for complications. They know they are going to get sued for just about everything that goes wrong, so they go with the flo ...

“But doctor, you pulled the wrong tooth. You pulled a perfectly good tooth for nothing.” “No I didn’t. I’m going to charge you for it.” ____ Profit should not be the prime motivator in the health-care professions, however, there is nothing wrong with selling medicine as long as the health and welfare of the patient is placed above all else. While we think of the plastic surgeon or the cosmetic dentist as the salesmen of the health-care industry, every doctor is really selling something to someone as ignoble as that sounds. Even the oncologist ...

TREATMENT HUMOR Practitioners who perform procedures that are either boring or frightening to most patients should find treatment humor extremely helpful. This material doesn’t work for simple exams or treating patients under general anesthesia. When explaining your procedure to a patient, you can get a good laugh or at least set the tone away from seriousness with this offering: DOCTOR “During this procedure there will be absolutely no pain (pause) for me and my staff.”  You emphasize absolutely. This line provides a great use of th ...

It was entertainment night at the senior center. The amazing Claude was appearing that night and the crowd waited anxiously to see the famed hypnotist. When Claude came to the stage, he announced, “Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people from the audience to come up and get put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.” He removed a beautiful antique watch from his coat pocket and said, “I want each and every one of you to keep your eye on this antique watch. It’s a very special watch. It has been in my family for six g ...

A woman went to doctors the office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped and asked her what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Johnson is 65 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?" The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipb ...

All kinds of people choose the healing arts, just like any other field of endeavor. Some of them are unsavory characters and some just make bad choices in critical areas of their lives. Patients expect a higher level of behavior from those to whom they entrust their care. ____ The research a medical doctor performed for a major drug company was called into question after he was arrested on his front lawn, brandishing a gun, naked except for underwear that hid his cocaine along with his private parts. ____ An orthodontist was convicted of molesting young girls and went to pri ...

The goal of seeking out healthcare is to resolve one problem or another. Who wouldn’t want to see the very best, most competent practitioner around? How can the image of competence be better portrayed than through exuding confidence? ____ A Dental Specialist Says I get to see the quality of many practitioners’ work. The most interesting phenomenon about how many doctors are perceived by their patients is through the confidence they exhibit. I know two fellows in particular who had enormous practices and their patients’ loved them even though they may have been ...

A terribly overweight woman goes to the doctor to find the perfect diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days then skip a day. Do that for two weeks and when you come back you will have lost five pounds.” When she returned, she shocked the doctor by losing twenty pounds. “Why, that’s amazing. Did you follow my instructions?” The woman nodded. “I did, but I thought I would drop dead by the third day.” “From hunger?” asked the doctor. “No, from the skipping.” ____ As one of the pillars of bedside manner, the benefi ...

                                                     After a thorough examination the doctor tells his elderly patient, “I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that you have cancer.” The patient, distraught, asks, “What’s the good news?” “The good news is that you also have Alzheimer’s ...

Patient: “Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and smoking, will I live longer?” Doctor: “Not really, it’ll just seem longer.” ____ Being a great doctor and being perceived as a great doctor by your patients are two entirely different matters. Every health-care school in the nation provides curriculum to train highly competent practitioners to serve the community. However, formal training in bedside manner, the way in which a doctor relates to the patient, is generally underdeveloped. While it may be impossible to change your personality, there is ...